Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Joe BLOGass

today id like to talk about insecurity. i know all about insecurity, as i grew up on the mean streets of claremont meadows. they wernt mean in terms of bullyingness, but it was a pretty average place to live in. unfortuntaley, many ppl today are effected by insecurity, which can lead to anxiety, cardiac arrest and perhaps even spontaneous human combustion.

luckily, i have the answer to all of everyones insecurities !

1) if ur insecure about ur weight, just cross out the number on the scales and write ur own one down. this not only makes u feel less weighted, but if u fake it long enough u will actually make being a skinny human being! also, this constitutes as exercise, as the rigourous amount of energy it takes to bend down and write stuff can power 16 homes for a lifetime.

2) if ur insecure about ur lovelife, grab a picture of ur favourite celebrity, photoshop urself into it and draw a big love heart around it. show this picture to all the hotties u wish to date, they will become so driven by such jealousy that they will immediately fall in love with you. conditions apply, including but not limited to: person may not actually fall in love with you (but at least a celebrity love hearts you right?)

3) if ur insecure about the security of ur home, just go out one night and rob urself. this way, u will no longer have a home, and wont have to worry about the security of the aforementioned place of residence. also, if u are looking to share a room with a stranger but are unsure of their trustworthyness, simply move in with a turtle. the turtle shell will keep u very safe, and u have a nice green friend to play with. naturual phenomena: these types of houses are known to shift 1 metre a day, so be careful finding ur way back home.

4) if ur insecure about whether u should read this BLOG or not, just read it anyway.

i beleive i have covered every aspect of life with this post, and i will hope to see a lot of
in-insecure ppl as a result of it. if not, please, just buy a lock and drill a hole into any part of ur body and put the lock through it. ur insecurities should now be secured (Y)

goodnight

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 2:49 AM

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Michael BLOGings

today i would like to post about god. i love god, and i hope that in time, god will also love me.

god, however, has recently changed his name, and walks, or should i say runs among us everyday, at lightning speeds.

his new name is Michael Jennings, and his current address is 14 cua stadium drive, penrith panthers avenue.

one day michael jennings was on his daily jog, around the universe, and i stopped and said heyy whattup MJ. he looked at me, and as soon as i looked into his eyes, a part of me wanted to become gay so that i could be in love with michael jennings.

then 3 days later, i saw michael jennings and said whattup snoooop dawgy dawg, and he said nothing much, just busy scoring 10-15 tries, and i said, man ur so sexy, how sexy are u? to which he replied "so sexy it hurts"

after that, all models were judged on a scale from 1 to michael jennings.

3 days later again, michael jennings, in a peculiar move, decided to stand still for a whole minute. i seized this opprtunity to stand beside the great man, but was immediately blown away by his almighty presence. as soon as i got up, i realised my hair was on fire! i dived into what i thought, in my state of dellusion, was a pond. but i accidentally dived into the pacific ocean! maybe even the atlantic ocean! luckily for me, michael jennings dived into the pacific ocean, maybe even the atlantic ocean, as well. he swam down to the very bottom and started running at hsi jogging speed (the speed of light) and set the whole pacific, maybe even the atlantic, ocean on fire! i was saved.

i love you michael jennings

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 4:28 AM

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

BLOG Town

whats up with shadows man, theyre so annoying

like the other day, i was just waving, and then my shadow starts waving! and then when i stop, he stops! wtf bro, sif copy me all the time.

i thought my shadow was the only one being mean, so i kicked it a couple of times, and he kicked himself too! he doesnt feel pain at alllll!

anywyas then i realised, everyones shadow is copying them, so please brothers and sisters, let us all unite together and bash the shadows! they are whats stopying us from being original and un-conforminant, or any other variation of that word.

u see, original recipe chicken was once all that ppl ate at kfc, until the original recipe chicken had a shadow! named kfc potato mashies - and this shadow, like all other shadows, SUCKED!

anyways, i think we should all form a community, or maybe even a society, and if humidity permits, a union. this community/society/union will work together in order to put an end to these copycats known as shadows!

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 3:38 AM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

duuuuuuddeeee theres like 4 days of holidays left!

i havnt done anything at allllllll im so bored and i have so much work to do and i hate schooooooool

goodnight

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 11:30 PM

Sunday, July 19, 2009

BLOGgie Nights

i think ppl are too mean to hobos

hobos are still brothers, they just smell bad and have big beards, but u know what, i think its a good thing. i think we could all learn from hobos.

lets live like we were meant to, shower-less, brushed-teeth-less, smelly, beardy men and women.

once i went to high school with hobo mchobo and calvin klein and tommy hilfiger. we 4 were the very best of friends, but then i had to leave and go to the great land of baulko. i went back to my old high school many years later to find out that Calvin Kleinex and Tommy Hillbilly became super hot and had many girlfriends, and left hobo mchobo behind. hobo mchobo now had no friends, and although he was super smart, he became too depressed to do anything, and then later became a hobo.

i went to visit the hobo named hobo mchobo the other day, and it made me realise, we shouldnt be so mean to hobos.

sure, they might not be Calvin Climb or Tommus Hill-arious, but they're still hippety hop at heart, and i think thats all that should matter.

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 10:26 AM

BOOOOOOO!

Masterchef is full of shit

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 4:34 AM

Friday, July 17, 2009

Half BLOG Prince

Duuuude, today i was just walking around, and then i realised my childhood friend was in not just one, but six movies! and 7 books!

me and harry potter used to chill out and be cool together all the time,

once when i was little i was just playing around and then dracula malfoy came and bit my face off and said "thats what u get for being black!"

but then my good buddy harry potter, or harry-potimus as he liked to be called, came and said "dracula malfoy i hate u cause ur blonde and im hotter than u and emma watson is my girlfriend!"

after that dracula never bothered me again

and this other time, harry potter was all being coool and what not and then this girl was like hey harry poo-ter, do u want my phone numberizzle for shizzlle?

and then me and harry cheered and i said HARRY GOTT-'ER (got her)

anyways now harrys off being cool with ron and emma watson, so im friends with barry trotter now

goodnight

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 8:49 AM

Monday, July 13, 2009

BLOG night round 2

well seeing as everyone decided its not cool to use msn anymore, im gnna post here

life lesson number 4

or 5

things we take for granted:

scabs - dudeee, i have spent many hours of my life waiting for my scab to harden, only so i can pick it off. its extra fun when you pick it off and the wound opens again forming another scab.

the little table inside the pizza box - if it wasnt for this invention, not only would we not be able to make mad dog pyramids out of them, our pizza would be crushed and taste like cardboard.

teeth - we'd have to eat with our gums, and make disgusting noises while we eat and everyone would be like wtf mate shutup but then when they try to eat they make digusting noises too and then everyone else is like wtf mate shutup

abbreviations - dude how else wud we be able 2 say wtf w/o soundin like a dbag in front of every1 yo, every1 wud be all like yo bro this dood is whak lets all laff at him trynna act all kewl be swearin LOL. n e wayz i gtg, ttyl tc bb gnight cya

proper english - WHO WANTS TO SOUND LIKE THAT! (see above)

pockets - if it wasnt for these, we've hve to put our wallets, phones and HANDS in our BUMS!

bums - what would we sit on

school - haha just kidding

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 5:37 AM

bLoGring ?

BLOG had to go away to therapy for a while, cause he felt sad cause eveyrone called him boring.

but then he realised, hes not boring, hes awesome.

example 1: BLOG went to the mardi gras to show the people of the world that he doesnt discriminate,

but on arrival all the chicks were like wtf why are we not with him? i wanna be with him. i think ill be wiht him now, goobye.

yes, BLOG is so awesome, he can convert ppls sexuality.

example 2: one day BLOG made facebook, but a single book is no where near enough to contain BLOGs awesomeness

example 3: BLOG is friends with bikram, cant much cooler

example 4: OHH SNAP, it got cooler! BLOGs so cool he actually makes ice freeze.

therefore, keep reading BLOG please

transform and roll out

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 4:55 AM

Friday, July 10, 2009

BLOG

does anyone read BLOG anymore?

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 1:13 AM

Thursday, July 2, 2009

BLOG Trip

today i realised that this BLOG is sick.

not in the sense that its dying...

but cause its FULLY SICK BRAHHH!

anyways havnt had a life lesson in a while... lets talk about.... school

please stop lying to me,
everyday is NOT a great day at (x)
in fact, everyday is a shit day at (x)

one day school went to the mall, and everyone was like aye bro i dont wanna shop here theres poo on the floor

then school went to... the beach. while school was bodyboarding, eveyrone else jumped into the water and was like ewwwwww bro this waters brown and smells like poo, school must be around

then afterwards, school was like, hey im gnna go to the movies now. he sat at the front, and covered the entire screen, and then everyone else was like, this movies crap! (they could only see school, and not the actual movie, and thought that the movie was literally 1 and a half hours of a still image of poo)

all in all, i wish the holidays would just start so i could be happy, or maybe the canteen would turn into mcdonalds, which also make me happy. even better, the canteen should turn into kfc, and colonel sanders himself should unveil his latest masterpeice, for who wouldnt wanna go to Kentucky Fried Chicken ( Feat. BHHS).

in case certain evil monsters from outer space, or teachers as they are formally known, read this, id like to re-assert the fact that this BLOG is completely jokeative and shouldnt be taken srsly, and by taking it srsly ur just proving that school has no sense of humour, making school a wedgie.

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 1:57 AM

I Agree

Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 1:26 AM