Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Joe BLOGass
today id like to talk about insecurity. i know all about insecurity, as i grew up on the mean streets of claremont meadows. they wernt mean in terms of bullyingness, but it was a pretty average place to live in. unfortuntaley, many ppl today are effected by insecurity, which can lead to anxiety, cardiac arrest and perhaps even spontaneous human combustion.
luckily, i have the answer to all of everyones insecurities !
1) if ur insecure about ur weight, just cross out the number on the scales and write ur own one down. this not only makes u feel less weighted, but if u fake it long enough u will actually make being a skinny human being! also, this constitutes as exercise, as the rigourous amount of energy it takes to bend down and write stuff can power 16 homes for a lifetime.
2) if ur insecure about ur lovelife, grab a picture of ur favourite celebrity, photoshop urself into it and draw a big love heart around it. show this picture to all the hotties u wish to date, they will become so driven by such jealousy that they will immediately fall in love with you. conditions apply, including but not limited to: person may not actually fall in love with you (but at least a celebrity love hearts you right?)
3) if ur insecure about the security of ur home, just go out one night and rob urself. this way, u will no longer have a home, and wont have to worry about the security of the aforementioned place of residence. also, if u are looking to share a room with a stranger but are unsure of their trustworthyness, simply move in with a turtle. the turtle shell will keep u very safe, and u have a nice green friend to play with. naturual phenomena: these types of houses are known to shift 1 metre a day, so be careful finding ur way back home.
4) if ur insecure about whether u should read this BLOG or not, just read it anyway.
i beleive i have covered every aspect of life with this post, and i will hope to see a lot of
in-insecure ppl as a result of it. if not, please, just buy a lock and drill a hole into any part of ur body and put the lock through it. ur insecurities should now be secured (Y)
goodnight
Yeah Bro, I'm Awesome 2:49 AM